{love}

Introducing our newest member of the family, Josie Evelen Miller. Her middle name is a combination of my grandmothers' names, Evelyn and Helen.

Josie came as expected on Friday, December 9th by c-section, at 10:36. She weighed in at a whopping 10 lbs, 15.7 ounces. They joked that if she hadn't peed right after coming out but before getting weighed, the 3 tenths of an ounce probably would have been there still and she would have come in at an even 11 lbs. She was 22 1/4 inches long. Everything went great and we are all very infatuated around here with her.

God is so good!

Getting closer!

I had another doctor appointment this morning. Now the prediction is that baby girl is weighing in at a whopping 10 lbs 14 ounces. Can I hear a collective "ouch"? The ultrasound tech actually said her machine maxes out at a certain level so many of my measurements were "off the charts" so it would say a number with an asterisk meaning probably more than this. However, the doctor maintains that often the ultrasounds are on the overstated side so she thinks probably closer to about 10 1/2 lbs. That did happen with Jack, they had estimated about 9 lbs 3 weeks before I had him, and he came in 1/2 oz shy of 9 lbs so it is quite possible that baby isn't AS large as predicted.

However, based on this information, the doctor is recommending a C section now for Friday. While this scares me since I have never had one, the thought of delivering a baby this large otherwise scares me too, so at least the doctor feels this is the safer alternative than trying to have the baby and it getting stuck. However, if I go into labor on my own between now and then, we'll see what happens. Yikes!!

After seeing these amazing 3D photos, the boys even said, "Wow, there really is a baby in there!" I could relate to that feeling. Despite having 9 months to wrap my brain around this, it is still hard for me to believe sometimes that there is a real live baby in there that is coming out in just a few short days.

Look at those cheeks! Oh my goodness. She's rubbing her eye. I think she looks like me as a baby here.

So I'm not taking all the responsibility for the size now. It's justified, right?

Labor Inducing

It seems my environment is doing all it can to try to put me into labor this week.

On Tuesday, I hit a dog while taking the boys to school. If you have never hit anything, it is absolutely the worst feeling to feel that thud under your car. The thing was, I saw this dog frolicking like a madman in his yard so I should have thought that he might be a threat to run out in front of me, but I didn't slow down like I should have, even though I was probably only going about 30. Anyway, reports are that he is ok, he's just lost a tooth and has a broken toenail or two. I still feel really bad, but it really wasn't my fault.

Today, on the way to school, a high schooler stopped at stop sign pulled out in front of me while I was on the main road with no stop signs. I stopped literally inches from hitting him. I even saw his facial expression as he realized he'd pulled out right in front of me and we were probably going to collide. The old van's brakes came through, though,  because brother, I had them to the floor. Dear readers, this poor uterus can't take much more. I clenched up like a fist and started crying from the closeness of a near accident. I was probably equally upset that I'd almost gotten into an accident (again, not my fault) 9 months pregnant, combined with the fact that I was wearing my pj's with just a sweatshirt and pants pulled on with my pj's, no bra, fuzzy colorful socks, and tennis shoes that are so tight I can only slip them on but not tie them. I really wasn't planning on having to get out of my car this morning yet. Luckily, I didn't have to. But then, Jack keeps asking, "What happened?" (were they not in the car?), I am crying so I'm not answering him, and Luke keeps gently reminding me that I haven't answered Jack's question and that's not polite. When I tell Jack I'm crying because we almost got into an accident, he can only wonder why I'd be crying, because it wasn't my fault. (You should know he is neck deep into some sort of self taught seminar right now on assigning blame whenever possible, as long as it doesn't fall onto yourself, so this 'who's to blame' portion is incredibly relevant to him right now). Which now that I reread this post, maybe comes naturally, because I've claimed twice already that it wasn't my fault. Hmmm.

So, I somewhat collected myself to at least smile and wave (Just smile and wave, boys...) to the teachers standing outside while I dropped the boys off, and came home to promptly medicate myself with 1 or 3 brownies and a cappucinno. What? You've never heard of morning brownies? Well, that's like never doing a desk pop. What? You don't know what doing a desk pop is? Then you need to get into your car, like right now, and drive straight to your local video store to rent The Other Guys. I've seen it something around 873 times and it still makes me laugh the whole time. I realize the relevancy of these movie quotes right now might be escaping you, because it is escaping me, but, whatever.

Because, speaking of labor inducing, it is set to happen one week from now. T minus 7 and counting. Which coincidentally, happens to also be my birthday. I usually don't choose to have an incredible painful day where I'm known to yell profanities for my birthday, but I also have never gotten such a great gift, so it's a good balance.

Sooo, unless the stress of two scary on the way to school incidents push me over the edge sooner, that is our plan! The Christmas gifts are bought, the decorations are up, and I even started to wrap presents yesterday. The crib is waiting, the clothes are clean and folded in the drawers, the diaper drawer is stocked, and the car seat is in. Now all we need is a big fat healthy bouncing baby. Oh, and a name.

Stay tuned!

The cardinal

So, back to my story.

My BFF's were here this past weekend, which is no small feat. Driving 7 1/2 to 9 1/2 hours for just a quick weekend with lots of small children because we just like each other that much and it's worth it. Thanks girls.

When we are all together, we morph into lazy mode as much as possible to sit and talk so the kids play lots of Wii, watch lots of TV, and we eat lots of food we are really not hungry for but enjoy eating while we talk. And as part of this laziness mode, I generally get no pictures to capture the weekend. This is all I have:

 Yes, for two blissful weeks we had a working hottub. But now the heat is on the fritz so the fun is over again for a while.

Even handsome city folk go ugly in the country.

Since I knew he wouldn't want to be known as my ugly friend, I dug through a few years of photos on my computers to find a true shot of how handsome he really is (middle). You're welcome Ryan.

And, there's always this when we are together:

Poring through People magazines while commenting on the social absurdity of most of the people in there always makes our hearts warm.

This was probably right before or after we have our hair rubs, which we look forward to each trip. I always know if we get discussing a good enough topic I can count on Andrea for anywhere from 45 minutes to an hour of a head and hair rub and it is luxurious. I wash my hair up real nice and special for the event. Giddyup.

So, in the course of our conversation, I mentioned the cardinal who has resumed his actions against the windows. Coincidentally {or most likely not}, the last time this was happening was right when I was finding out I was pregnant, here. Naturally, the positive test, though encouraging, was far from comforting as we've had lots of other positive pregnancy tests that did not work out as we had hoped. So, it was time of anxious waiting and hoping. But I didn't think much of the bird and the timing then. However, the bird is back, doing the same crazy convolutions all day long in the same windows as before. Interestingly enough, when I was recovering from my bout with dehydration a few weeks ago and sitting in the family room trying to sleep, the bird started up it's routine and I prayed to God, alright, I feel like this bird might be trying to send me a sign or tell me something, but I don't know what it is, so can you please just make it stop so I can get some rest. And immediately, he stopped, but only for a few minutes before returning again and resuming his pecking.

As my due date continues to loom closer, my anxiety has again returned. Wondering if I will be ok throughout the labor and delivery. Wondering if the baby will be alright, after all that we've been through to get to this point. When a friend asked me, "Aren't you SO EXCITED???" I realized that yes, I'm excited, but moreso, anxious about all that is to come soon. I was talking to another friend who'd had several miscarriages before her 3rd child. While in labor with her 3rd, she had reached the point of, "Ok, you can go ahead and push now!" and froze, unable to do anything, as a result of this same anxiousness. The moment has finally arrived, yet you are still scared, waiting for the other shoe to drop, unable to believe that finally things are working out as you'd hoped. So my thought was, it's interesting that this cardinal has come back to me now, and maybe he's trying to tell me something, but I'm not sure what it is.

As a result of this conversation, Andrea decided we should research the cardinal and what his meanings are. I know my sister feels cardinals have always been a sign to her, and I feel birds in general are good message conveyors. So this is what she found:

"Safe passage into personal power",
and,
"also call on the cardinal when you need bolstering for an event you are nervous about"

Hmm.

Seems pretty fitting doesn't it?

So I have chosen to believe that this cardinal is a sign that was sent to me to give me comfort and strength as I approach the moment we've been waiting for these past few years. As I've said before, I think that signs are all around us if we choose to see them and their possible meaning, and I choose yes.

Now it will be interesting to see if now that I've chosen to believe him, he goes away on his own or stays.

I'll keep you posted.

The most bizarre night of my life

Sunday night might well have been the most bizarre night of my life.

It began with me waking up for my {3rd?} pee break around 12:45. Which naturally makes sense since I'd been in bed for almost 2 hours already. That happens to all of us, right? When I tried to lay back down, it was just really uncomfortable and then I realized I was having some contractions. Which, might have not been as concerning to me if I hadn't had a doctor's appointment on Friday, where they estimated the baby to be around 9 lb 2 oz, which again is reasonable, since I was just 36 weeks that day, right? YIKES! And that I was already about 2 1/2 cm dilated so between the size and the gargantuan amount of fluid I seem to be carrying, it would probably happen sooner than later. Sooooooo, with all of that in mind... you can see how these contractions were a bit concerning to me. And so, my night began of waking and dozing off wondering if I should start to monitor the timing of those contractions. Because labor with both boys started in the middle of the night, I am expecting the same to happen this time.

Then, around 2:30, the phone rings. I don't know about you, but the phone ringing in the middle of the night is an awful scary sound. So, I hop up (uh huh, I DID hop out of bed believe it or not!) to get the phone and it was a fax tone. While receiving fax phone calls is not unfortunately unusual for us, it is unusual in the middle of the night. So, I doze off again while still wondering if the contractions are going to turn into anything.

Next, Jack gets up to let me know he doesn't feel good, he can't talk, and therefore there is NO way he can go to school because he won't be able to respond if he's called on. Once I talked him off the ledge, I sent him back to bed with a drink of water, a coughdrop and a prayer that he wouldn't be back down so I could get some sleep.

At this point, I was suffering a raging case of sore hips which happens by about 2 a.m., so I decided to move out to the chair to sleep for a while. As an afterthought I brought a notebook and pencil with me, still thinking maybe I should start to record those contractions. However, they came and went, so I dozed off again until about 5:30, when one of our carbon monoxide detectors decided it was time to let us know it had a low battery. The fun of this is that you are never sure where you heard the beep come from, so you have to slink around the house pausing and waiting for the next beep to track down the sound.

Once that was put to death via baseball bat taken care of,  I resumed my peaceful night's sleep until about 6:30 when Rob got up, followed by Jack needing another breathing treatment and reassuring me that he was way too sick to go to school. Oh, and that's also when our cardinal friend starts to throw himself beak first into the windows. You might recall this happening months ago... and now he's back. Which actually turns into an interesting story, which I will share with you in the next post, which leaves me less wanting to shoot him with a BB gun and more fascinated by what he might mean to me.

Stay tuned. I'm going to take a nap now.

Showered

Saturday, I was fortunate enough to be the guest of honor at a baby shower that my two neighbors decided to throw for me. These few poor attempts at pictures are all I captured sadly, but it was a really nice day. I feel so blessed that I have 10 or 15 ladies here whom I consider good enough friends to invite to something like this. I continue to be amazed at the openess and generosity of the women I meet here. As I looked around the room at each person, I realized there is something I admire or have learned from each of them.

I will never underestimate the power of girlfriends.

They decorated bibs and onesies

Not sure what my hands are doing here

The two lovely hosts

How cute was this table centerpiece? Those are socks on there!

And seriously, look at this. And she can whip these out in about 5 hours. Amazing. Here re-enters panicky thoughts about how I need to acquire some skills.

Book Review

This month, I read:

There was a lot of hype about this book, so I felt compelled to check it out. While I did enjoy the book, it was not one that I had trouble putting down. It took me quite a while to get into it, and once I got into the second half the draw to read was stronger but still.... a good book but not one of my top 10. I do, however, enjoy a historical type novel, which I felt this was as it was a story around real events in our history.

Next, I read:

This was a quick, Sunday afternoon several hour read. It is written by a "non-author" so it is direct and easy to read. I really enjoyed this book, and especially enjoyed sharing his experiences with my boys. I am a person who tends to see the good intentions of others so I have no doubt that this is based on an experience that truly happened to this family. I am surprised, however, when googling to see how many strong negative responses there were to the book by people doubting the true intentions of their claims. I would recommend this book.

Next, I read:

This was also a quick one day read, all focused around a couple and their relationship. I found it entertaining and easy to relate to some of the situations that all couples face in a longtime relationship. Intriguing, if somewhat predictable.

And finally, I am finishing this one today:

I am almost always a fan of the books Oprah has chosen for her book club, and this one is no exception. I have to admit, it took me two attempts to get into this book. There are a lot of characters and a fairly involved family tree, so just imprinting who was who in my brain so I could get past all the names and focus on the characters did take some energy, but once I got past that, it has been a really enjoyable read. Again, I love reading books that although they are fictional novels, are based on true events in our history. It's nice to both be entertained and learning all at the same time. It was heartbreaking to me to imagine having to go through so many of the injustices these "characters" endured in their lifetime. This novel is based on the authors true family tree, which began in slavery. Very interesting.

Next up:

The show

Rob and the neighbor cut down a tree this past weekend. He was very clear with the kids on where they needed to stay to keep safe while the tree came down.

I thought it was cute how they got out chairs and all lined up for the event so I brought them some popcorn to complete the experience.

Joy

The first day of Christmas

Yesterday was a very exciting day for the boys.

We awoke to a white outdoors-our first snow! Both boys were up before 7 and noticed the snow before I even had a chance to tell them. Luke ran into the room exclaiming, "It's the FIRST day of Christmas! Woo hoo!"

We were also treated to a 2  hour delay, which gave them a perfect opportunity to get outside and play in that first snow. Both were suited up and sledding by 7:15 a.m. I love two hour delays!

Hello

Halloween gives me a great excuse to get back on the horse and blog. I simply must share the pictures of my boys wearing my first venture into homemade costumes. I have to admit I haven't the smallest grain of creativity when it comes to things like this, so I have never even considered homemade costumes {though didn't most of us have those as kids? I remember coloring a bedsheet with brown crayon to make myself a tree...} However, I think they turned out pretty decent:

Sadly, Tom and Jerry were without their mom this year as I was relegated to the couch recovering from dehydration. Not quite sure how that happened, but all I can say is, if you think throwing up is miserable, add a big ol' watermelon to your belly and then throw up and it only gets worse. Yuck. Finally today, I am feeling more myself. Not much of an appetite yet but seeing a food commercial doesn't make me want to throw up on the spot so that's an improvement. Unless it's for the McRib, because any food with the word "rib" in it sounds disgusting to me all of the time. Too real to use the body part it came from as part of the description, don't you agree?

Pregnancy brain

Her are a few things convincing me I've lost my mind recently.

1) I walked out of Target (but was caught) after paying for my groceries and taking none of the bags with me.

2) I walked out of our local convenience store without paying for 3 milkshakes. The kids and I stood around and chatted a bit, and then just strolled on out without a care in the world. I thought of it about 3 hours later, at home, when I asked Jack, "Did I pay for those milkshakes?" A little embarrassing to walk back in later and admit, but they were very nice about it.

3) I gave Rob a birthday card for our anniversary. He started laughing when he opened it, and when I asked what was funny, he said, it says birthday. Knowing that I often will buy inappropriate cards just to laugh (like happy 80th card for someone turning 40), he thought it was deliberate at first but then realized it wasn't. He tried to help me out by asking if it was in the wrong section, but nope, I just walked right up to the birthday section to buy his anniversary card.

And for the record for those of you keeping track at home: number of times I've been asked if I'm having twins in the last 4 days: 3 times. Score.

Quotable

Here are some recent Luke conversations or quotes:

*"If you are in the middle of nowhere, where are you?"

*I was explaining how I had accidentally left the gas station without remembering to pay for something, and tried to explain the difference between accidentally forgetting to pay, and deliberately walking out without paying, which would be stealing. Luke thought for a moment, and said, "Well, at least you weren't wearing black! That's good!" When I asked why, he said, "Well, robbers usually wear black and have a big bag over their shoulder with lots of coins in it."

*We went out to eat recently and I asked if anyone wanted to join me at Target. Luke surprised me by saying he would. As we walked into the store, I reminded him that he shouldn't ask me for an Icee or a cookie, because we'd just eaten. He said, "What? That's why I came with you!"
Later, as he was asking for yet another item to be put in the cart, he prefaced it like this: "It would make my heart warm if you would buy this for me." And yes, it worked, because I did buy the chocolate chip oatmeal for him.  Then I said, "Geez Luke, you sure are begging for a lot of things this trip! You usually don't beg so much." As we neared the end of the trip, he dropped his head down and said, "I'm so ashamed. I'm just so ashamed." When I asked him why, he said, "I'm so ashamed because I was begging so much. " I told him I forgave him.

* "I wish God would just get babies out instead of being in your belly."
"Why?"
"Because bellies just bump into everything."
Hmm. Guess I need to watch all the things I am apparently bumping into and annoying him with.

*And today, we had this one:
"What does your pee pee look like?"
"I don't have one. Girls have different private parts."
"I know. "A" (his friend who is a girl) has a pee pee that looks like a butt."
"How do you know?"
"Because she showed me one time and I showed her mine."

Yikes. That is a conversation I'm not looking forward to having with A's mom. But what do you say? Kids are curious! And I guess, compared to what a pee pee looks like, it would look like a butt to him.

This kid sure keeps me jumping. And laughing.
"

Our first family photo

This came home from school with Luke recently-it's our first family photo with 5 of us. Aww, shucks! Maybe he is a little more excited than he lets on. Soon, we'll be 5 amoebas instead of just 4.

Happy times

We went to the Wisconsin Dells this past weekend. If you would ask the boys what would be their #1 favorite thing to do or place to go, this is it. They LOVE it. They were so excited and counted down all week for this. It is really fun to be in a place where everyone who is there is having a great time with their kids and laughing and playing together. Sort of the opposite of, say, a grocery store. We were also able to meet up with some good friends and stay in a cabin together, which made it even more fun. We play a card game called Hand and Foot that my grandparents taught us, and have been keeping score for years on the guys and girl wins. Sadly, the boys have a huge upper hand on us, but we claim that at some point one of us girls was either pregnant or nursing so we were in some way mentally handicapped or at least, tired. However, they claim that being pregnant, you have two brains inside of you so you should be even smarter. Well played, boys. I never thought of that.

Editor's Note:

It might look from my picture ratio that I'm favoring one child over the other. Not so. It's just that when Jack gets a friend around, he sort of deserts Luke so I became Luke's playmate. Albeit a boring one, since I couldn't sit in the hot tub with him or go down any slides. But nonetheless,  we were buddies for much of the trip.

Hot, huge, hemorroids and heartburn

We got the baby room all painted and the chair rail installed over the weekend. You can't really see what the colors look like in the picture, but it is pink on top and chocolate brown on bottom with a white chair rail. I love it! I think Rob did a great job on the chair rail even with all of the funky angles he had to cut. Now it's time to move in!

Now, my theme of "h's. These things are all true. Standard complaints of a pregnant person. However. Here's the real deal. I got the mail, and with it, my monthly bill of $100 to pay off all of the doctor appointments related to little babies who weren't meant for this world. What I mean is, that receiving that statement is a real monthly reminder and a call to reconsider my complaints. After 4 consecutive miscarriages, I said often, what is the chance that the 5th time will work? Why do I think that the FIFTH one will be just fine after 4 in a row that weren't? Why even try? But we did. And,somehow, I was blessed with this incredibly strong fighter baby who decided she just was strong enough to make it through.

So, honestly, am I justified to complain even a little for the trials and tribulations of pregnancy? No, not really. Because it's a true miracle that I'm even able to experience this special state of being one more time. I need to savor all of the realities of it and remember how amazing it is that I'm able to grow this wonderful life.

Daily Five

*We've officially moved our home office into the basement to make way for a new bedroom! It has been painted but is awaiting the chair rail before we can officially move the crib, etc. in. This is making me see how close it's getting! I'm ready to get set up and feel organized.

*I had my 28 week doctor appointment today--fingers crossed that I will NOT have gestational diabetes. I haven't in the past but am more nervous this time around for some reason. The doctor asked how everything was going and I said I feel great aside from the "circus freak" feeling I am getting more and more frequently when people find out my due date. I know, you are tired of hearing it. I'm working on not caring. I am moving from not getting upset about it to trying to come up with more clever retorts to surprise people.
*Quote of the day from the carpet cleaning guy:
He: "So when you due?"
Me: December {my friend says I should just say "late fall" like the celebrites do. Keep it vague, don't really let them know when exactly you're due. I might try that.}
He: "Oh, he's gonna be a BIG ONE cuz I thought you was 9 months already, I thought you was about ready to DROP!"
Me: "Yeah, I get that a lot."

I'm pretty sure if he wasn't trying to stay all professional, being on the job and all, he would have added a DAMN, GIRL! to the end of that, but I was spared.

I guess it's really not upsetting me terribly, I'm starting to be able to see it as sort of funny. The doctor says I'm only measuring about a week ahead, I think it's just the way I carry and of course, being the third, they {you know, the proverbial they} say you get bigger each time.

*Quote of the day from Luke while he and I ate dinner together:
He: "How can you eat so fast?"
Me: "Because I stay focused on eating, unlike you who is very distracted while you eat."
He: "You're like in a hot dog race when you eat dinner."

Yowza. It is true I'm hungrier than normal, but being accused of eating like I'm in a hot dog race by a 6 year old? That stings.

*I made 10 loaves of zucchini bread and froze most of it. I also tried my hand at salsa. I must note that neither the zucchini or the tomatoes came from my own garden because I can't seem to grow a damn thing.

*Does anyone else avoid making eye contact with any animals that are on the livestock truck that pulls up next to you at the light? I mean, I like the bacon and ham, but I really don't want to look those pigs in their sad, sad eyes as they are on their way to market. Every time I do I wonder if I should become a vegetarian for the guilt I feel.

On the topic of stupidity...

Thank you all for your words of support and endorsement of my new "baby got back" from my earlier post. My cry out for sympathy garnered more comments (5!) than my lil' ol blog has ever received so that was fun. {Even one comment from someone I couldn't identify! Wow, I've made it big time now, huh?}

Now that I've embarked on my third trimester, I expect the comments to begin escalating. Here's my comment for yesterday as I checked out at the grocery:
Her: "You look uncomfortable."
Me: "Do I?" (I quickly do a self inventory of my current expression. Was I grimacing? Limping? Holding my belly up with my hands like a halter strap? Nope, none of those. In fact, I was feeling quite spry on my feet at the moment. Apparently I didn't look spry.)
Her: "Oh, I guess I'm just remembering being pregnant, I had three. You never forget!"
Me: "Yeah, I still have some time to get uncomfortable. I'm not there yet."

So, back to the topic of stupidity. Listen, I will never claim that I am very in tune with my body. Unlike my mother, who notices if she grew two extra arm hairs overnight, or my sister, who claims she can feel the ovulation process every month, this apple fell far from that there tree. I assume if something was massively wrong I would realize it, but I'm not counting on myself to find it fast.

So, on that note, as I lay in bed this morning during the a.m. baby black belt training, I got to thinking. You know those stories that crop up on the news once a year or so, about a woman who goes to the hospital claiming intense abdominal pain, and then GASP she gives birth without even realizing she was pregnant?

What?

I'm sorry, but how is this actually possible? Even if you don't notice the heartburn, weight gain, achy sides or constipation, can you honestly NOT feel anything moving around INSIDE your own body? This would have to be the one thing I really couldn't write off. Hmm, I'm not sure doctor, I have a hard time pooping, I am going through Tums like chewing gum, and I've gained 25 pounds, but naturally, that's of no concern to me. I am, however, feeling a small creature leap and tumble inside of me. Any thoughts on that?

Whew. But, in the words of a wise sage, "All of us are different, silly mom!" And I guess that's what makes the world so interesting.

The wisdom of children

This year, Luke has a classmate who has Downs Syndrome in his class. The special education teacher asked me when I was subbing as an aide last week if he'd mentioned anything about her, which I said, he had not. She had a talk with the class to help articulate how sometimes people are different than us, but that is ok, as the teacher had mentioned that some of the kindergarteners would just look at her as if trying to figure out what exactly was "different" about her.

So, the other day I asked Luke if there was anyone in his class that he thought was "different" from him, just to see if he'd even noticed, and his response was, "All of us are different, silly mom!"

Priceless. I couldn't have said it better myself. If only we adults accepted others that are "different" from us in such stride the world would be a much simpler place, wouldn't it?

Did she really just say that?

It's fair to say that now that I'm just a few days away from entering my third trimester, I'm feeling a bit large. Especially since I started this pregnancy 25 pounds heavier than I started my first, it would probably be unrealistic to think I'd feel smallish this time around.

So I'm saying I'm a little sensitive to it. I'm already feeling a bit whale-ish, so when certain things are said, they tend to rub me the wrong way. And I have to say, this next encounter was a whopper.

A woman who was shopping our garage sale actually asked me,
Her: "So, there's only one in there?"
Me: Blank face. "Yeah."
Her: "Oh, because I had twins, and you are bigger than I was."
Me: "I guess I just get big."

Really? "I guess I just get big?" That was honestly the best thing I could come up with to someone who said something that rude to me? WHY don't we ever think of the great comebacks until later? Like,
You must be really proud! Or,
WOW! That's the rudest thing anyone has said to me so far! Or,
No, I won't take 50 cents for that shirt like I said I would you cheap bastard, it's Gap! Now get the hell outta here! Or,
I could have just punched her in the face. Anything but, "I guess I just get big."

Alright. I got it out of my system now. Deep breath. But honestly? This woman has admittedly been pregnant herself so she should probably know better, right? Maybe coming from a man who doesn't know what it feels like to be pregnant and feel huge, but a woman? Shame on her.

Here's a picture of my twin pregnant looking self right here, you asked for it Allie:

I look awfully constipated here. Wait, I'm pregnant so I might actually be constipated here.

Book Review

The last two books I've read have been memoirs written by men. They both were incredibly honest and both were men who've had many experiences in life, some of them quite intense, but nonetheless lifechanging experiences that turned them into who they are today. I found them completely intriguing and truly appreciated their willingness to be incredibly vulnerable and expose their weaknesses. I would recommend both as good reads and both have inspired me to continue my hunger for memoirs lately. I haven't read a memoir in the last  year that disappointed. Of course, none of the memoirs I've read are by famous people which seem to be saturating the bookshelves nowadays, so it's quite possible the honesty and vulnerability I've grown to love about memoirs might be sorely lacking in that bunch.

My Friend Leonard

The Tender Bar

Daily Five

*Well, the honeymoon is over in terms of information I get by the 2nd week of school. We were suspicious that the daily answers were becoming scripted, and proved that theory right when Rob came home from work on Labor day and asked the boys how school was. Luke said, Awesome! It was great. Jack said, Good! So think anyone is really listening to that question and answering it with meaning anymore? I think not!

*I'm suffering  a beastly cold which is really knocking me to the curb. Being pregnant and having a cold are both entities of their own and combining them both is fierce.

*I received great personal satisfaction today baking my own French loaves of bread. Kneading the dough, watching it rise and smelling it bake-heavenly. And, the finished product looked and tasted just like you buy in the stores. Worth the two hours from start to finish.

*I'm preparing to add in to a friend's garage sale on Saturday. I have found that I am extremely emotionally attached to the kids baby/toddler clothing and this has been a difficult parting process. This really shouldn't be a surprise since I have a hard time parting with things in general/letting go of the past, but every piece I fold and slap a 50 cent price tag on is paining me as I wrestle with memories of my little boy in that piece of clothing. It's just clothing, let it go.... my realistic side tells me that when they grow up and get married, their wives are not going to be excited with my handing over a tote full of their clothes from their youth so no need to save much. But still..... my heart be still.

*On a final note, speaking of pregnancy, the size and strength of this little gal is astounding. You have to agree, she must be a pretty tough cookie to have made it this far. This proves itself daily with moves like:

I'm getting the living hell kicked out of me regularly. It's not like a gradual slow stretch where it feels like an elbow here or there, it's like a full on tai kwon do move where my stomach actually vibrates with the movement. And it's over and over again. My friend Liz insists it must be a preparation to be a little sister to two big brothers. Getting a little self defense on. You go girl. Just take it easy around 5:30 a.m. every day. Mama's still tired.



Man: Zero, Garden: One

As I walked trudged up to the garden this weekend with my camera, Rob yelled after me, I can just see your post headline now! I guess the man knows me by now. In the spirit of Man Vs. Food, this was the most fitting title I could come up with. The garden has beat me. It has won and I've so been defeated.

Approaching the natural disaster area

This is what it looks like when you look down at the ground.

Self portrait entitled "Me and six feet weeds"

I am sad to say I got little to no joy from this garden this year. We are about 2 seconds from mowing over the whole damn thing. I really don't know where I went wrong. It's true I did little to no weeding from July on, and it didn't help that we were gone almost two weeks in the middle of the July, but seriously? Would you think the weeks would have grown this thick? We can't even FIND our rows of potatoes. Rob has to take the shovel and whack the weeds away like a machete in the area that we knew they were in and then just dig and hope. And yes, we got over an ice cream pail full of potatoes. But that was for the whole row. And the snow peas? About 10. Green beans? One serving with dinner. Cucumbers? 3 plants of the 4 eaten by deer before they even grew big. 4 cherry tomatoes, 2 plum tomatoes. There are carrots and small onions in there somewhere but it will take some weed whacking to find them. The onions are small, of course, because no sunlight can get through the mass canopy of weeds covering them. 

It's not like I would have been that disappointed if I didn't get enough to freeze or can. But I really didn't even get enough to justify the time and money and energy a garden requires just to plant it. I'm really not sure what I'm doing wrong. Is it my soil? Sun? Are the deer just too much to fight? Is it all worth it?

I had such vim and vigor when I started this whole gardening thing last summer but now, I just don't know. It probably doesn't help that my memories of gardens are from my grandparents where the sky seemed to be the limit to how much they could grow. I only wish they were still here to ask them how they did it. Aargh! I'm down and out! Next time you see me, just throw a tomato or zucchini my way.  

Just don't tell me that you grew it yourself or I might kick you in the shins.