Here's the results from Tuesday's JC meeting:
Lost: -3.0
Cumulative: -16 lbs.

Yee haw I have the halfway point in my headlights. Still not enough for anyone to really notice yet except maybe a little in my face.

Arriving at my halfway point is my first short term goal, followed by arriving at my "pre Josie" weight. I'm feeling really good about my progress. My first reward happens today; a massage that I got from Rob for Christmas. I told myself I could redeem it once I got into this new decade of weight so now I am here. Aaah I can't wait.

Speaking of progressing and reaching goals, I am reading a book called the Happiness Project right now by Gretchen Rubin:

Clearly you cannot really click to look inside when it's on my blog. I am just too lazy to find an image that doesn't say that. Thanks to Amazon for the image!

Anyhoo, this book was a slow starter for me. Initially, she discusses the research she undertook to get started on the book and the reasons why she wanted to do it, and I just wasn't sure I was going to get into it. However once she started digging into different arenas each month, I was hooked, and have found some profound truths that make sense to me, but I hadn't really looked at them in such stark terms. I found myself relating to her in so many different ways, I felt that we were kindred spirits. That is, until I read last night about her considering herself agnostic which I felt so bummed by. Anyway, here is the first snippet that I wanted to share as it's relevant to what I am talking about with goals and progess:

"A sense of growth is so important to happiness that it's often preferable to be progressing to the summit rather than to be at the summit. And this, I love:

"Best is good, better is best"

There are several other pieces like this that I will share with you in the days to come, but in the meantime, I am really enjoying this book and would recommend it to anyone comtemplating their life and happiness level. As she states at the beginning of the book, she wasn't depressed, she just thought that she could be happier. Wouldn't so many of us relate to that statement?

Things making me laugh today

This always cracks me up. Whenever I crouch down to Josie's level to look at her or talk to her, she turns around and then backs into my lap with the assumption that my lap is there and available. I always have to get myself into position before she crashes down with no lap to receive her. I think she needs a reverse beeping sound and it would be perfect.

And this:

 

Oh to have Luke's confidence!

Thoughts whilst in a Wal Mart

I really do not enjoy going to Wal Mart. I much prefer going to Target. However, it always seems that no matter where we live, the Wal Mart is much closer than the Target is, so if I only have about 6 things to get, it's really not worth driving to the Target. Hence, my trip to Wal Mart today.

• Why are the cashiers rarely friendly? As in, do not even respond when I say hi as they start to check me out? (Aren't they supposed to acknowledge you the customer?? Instead they often seem to be griping about their supervisor or their schedule to another nearby employee. Um, hi, did you notice there was a customer here? And then, hand me my receipt, and I say thank you, and they never once said thank you during the transaction? I mean, I know they personally are not pocketing the money you just spent there, but, still.
• I saw there was a new fragrance by Madonna, fittingly titled Truth or Dare, so I squirted about 3 sprays onto myself assuming it would be something decent. Holy SWEETNESS! Would you ever expect a fragrance by Madonna to be all sweet and flowers instead of sexy or edgy? I was so surprised, and I will continue to be every time I put on that coat which will now smell like Truth or Dare for the next two months or so. And, choosing Wal Mart as the outlet for it? Are we sure it was Madonna who steered this product?
• Is anyone else tired of seeing people in their flannel pajama pants and slippers shopping in stores? Is it really that much effort to change into something streetworthy? Personally I often go out in public wearing knit exercise type pants and tennis shoes. I am certainly not bringing my A game. But I still would not leave on my pajamas and slippers and walk out the door. It just seems a little lazy to me. Now in college, it was perfectly acceptable for me to go to my 8 a.m. class in my peach long john waffle weave bottoms and a long sweatshirt, but that was another time and another place. Right?

Wow, I just read that and it all seems like I'm a little grumpy. I really don't feel grumpy today. Just observant.

On another note, I virtually maintained at yesterday's weigh in: I lost -.3 lbs, for a total of -12.7. But I am perfectly ok with that since we went out of town for the weekend and historically that is quite difficult for me to stay on track. We met up with some old neighbors from Iowa and it was so nice to see them again and catch up. And, of course, the kids always love a good water park. And I have to tell you, although by no means did I feel that I looked good in my swimming suit, with just 12 lbs down, I felt SO much better than I did in November in the same situation, so that is enough to keep you motivated to keep working.

An end to a sweet era

Warning: This post is about breastfeeding. Proceed with caution. Or empathy. Or whatever emotion breastfeeding might stir in you.

I really enjoy breastfeeding. I love the bond that it creates between you and baby. I love the simplicity of being able to completely nourish your newborn from your own body. I think it is a wonderful bonding time spent together and I am so thankful I was able to do it with all 3 kids.

Nursing Josie wasn't the easiest journey. In the beginning, she lost a lot of her birthweight. I stressed incessantly about not having enough milk for her. I never felt that "breaking the dam" feeling when the milk first came in and I rarely felt "full" so I was always fretting that I wasn't making enough and that breastfeeding wasn't going to work out this time. My doctor was wonderful about not getting worked up about things and he swore that 90% of the time, if you are really committed to making it work, which I was, it was going to work out. He just suggested I drink the equivalent of Lake Superior each day to be sure I would be set to produce enough. Which I gallantly tried to do, and slowly, she started to gain her weight back. Luckily when you start out one pee short of 11 lbs at birth, you have a little to spare so it wasn't as worrisome to the doctor as it was to me. But once we got things flowing, it still wasn't easy. Her latch was very shallow and good golly Miss Molly did it hurt for a while. I remember tears flowing down my cheeks as I curled my toes and settled in for the 25 minutes or so that it would take. But I really wanted to do it, so I hung in there. I had more than my fair share of clogged ducts and mastitis. I laid on the floor with blankets piled on me and asked Jack when he came home from school if he could please play with Josie because I was sick, and then the fever would break and I couldn't stop sweating. I suffered through a couple of brutal headaches wishing that I could down a few magic pills they call Excedrin and make it go away, but I sucked down a few Tylenol instead in a futile attempt to make it better. Oh yes, and there was many let's try out these teeth phases.

So, it wasn't always a picnic.

But still.

Those little hands reaching for your face and playing with your nose. Those toes and legs climbing all over you while lying there. Those dark tiny newborn eyes peering into yours trying to place just who you were and where they were. All of the undressings and the ticklings when she was a wee one trying to stay awake while nursing. And later, the smiles that came through without letting go of the goods. The anticipation they feel when they get the hang of things and know it's dinnertime. Dozing off at bedtime with just the nightlight on convinced life doesn't get any better than this.

Oh this is what makes it hard to give up.

But, it's time. My milk supply has been fading, as it does, for a while. Slowly, we dropped feedings till we were just down to the night time one. And frankly, she didn't really even care anymore. I was following up with a bottle anyway, so it had become something to get through to get to the bottle. A source of frustration in wanting more than was available.

So, last night, we got into position, I stroked her hair as I always do, and we set in for the last time as I wondered if I could really say this was the last time. How would I know? How do you just pick the day to say this is it? I knew it was time but it's so hard to let go. I watched the clock with a lump in my throat. Because it's not just Josie's last time, but it's my last time too. There is no feeling like nursing your baby and it's so hard to say goodbye to. Then, I asked her, do you want your bottle? And she gently pulled off, gave me a crooked half smile, and I knew that this was it.

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO doggy this mama is tired today. I'm not 100% sure why, but my armband is telling me I'm only at 88% sleep efficiency for this last week so that must be it.

Or, it's just from the day. It's been a day of running around. Dentist appointments for the kids, which always make me stressed out. You might recall Luke's dental track record and then you might remember why going to a new dentist is stressful. Because really, it's just picking out of a phonebook basically when you move, and I really have to get it right, because we've made too much progress dentally to start all over. So, picking them up and getting to the new place where you really aren't sure where it is on time (did not score). Clean bill of health? (SCORE!) Great dentist? YES! LOVED HER! And she didn't even criticize the previous person's work. What's up with that? Why when you go to a new dentist/hairdresser/mechanic/have someone to your house to do some sort of work/ etc. do they always say something to the effect of "a colorblind 2nd grader who read a do-it-yourself manual must have done this work"? I have NO idea why they would have done it this way, but it's CERTAINLY shoddy work and must be redone.

And she didn't do that. SCORE! But then, it's an hour and half later, the little missy has missed her nap, the front office people realize that the 11 page per kid online new patient forms I filled out last night (JUST to avoid having to do it in the waiting room with three kids!!!) didn't come through and I must sit there and refill them all out.

And missing my exit on the way to the dentist. And changing a poopy diaper in the school lobby on the dirty floor because there's no where else during basketball practice. And babies swirling fingers in toilets. And dishes to still clean up from dinner at 8:30 after putting all the kids to bed. Whew. I'm tired.

But, there was one thing that did not wear me out today and that was hearing my weight loss comeback at JC.

Week 5 Results:

Lost: -4.8

Cumulative: -12.4

 

Yee hah. So thankful for this! And now into a new decade of weight which is always motivating to me. Now I can reward myself with the massage I got from Rob for Christmas.

 

The biggest thing that has changed this time around is how I look at activity. Prior to this, when I read things like get your exercise in by Parking farther away! Or, take the stairs! I thought that these pieces of advice were for really inactive 300 lb people who did not get off the couch often, and literally just needed to get up. However, what I have come to realize, is that for a person who isn't doing a lot of 'formal' exercise, your daily movements really do count. I am now trying to be as inefficient as possible, so rather than gathering up 5 things on the steps to carry up at once, I now make individual trips up and down. Instead of sitting down in the waiting room, I stand or walk around. And it's honestly through the armband that I can see the activity levels when I am running errands a lot vs. picking up the house. I can see the huge spike in activity when I do Just Dance with my kids, or take a walk after school with Josie in the stroller. And I can see when it's been enough to offset my calories, and when I still need to do more to make the deficit big enough to lose. I think being a numbers/analytical person, this armband and the data was exactly what I needed now to show me results in black and white. Calories burned minus calories consumed should be a 1000 calorie deficit each day on average to lose around 2 lbs a week.

The other learning would just be to eat a donut to kick off your weight loss effort for the week. It seemed to work. 

Ugh

Whenever you are on a weight loss journey, setbacks and 'gainbacks' are bound to happen. I just didn't think it would happen so soon. And sadly, I have no great excuse for it, like, "We were on vacation!", or, "I went to an amazing Super Bowl party and couldn't control myself!" I just ate too much, plain and simple, and had to pay the piper today.

Lost/gained: +1.5

Cum. loss: -7.5

 

It was the first time I went to see my friends at Jenny and I wasn't excited to see how I did. Aargh. While I was the most active of all the weeks so far, I also ate the most. And the thing is, when you are paying a lot for something like this, you feel like you just can't afford to screw up. It felt like throwing $100 right down the toilet.

 

So, I left my meeting, ran to the grocery for a few items, ate a donut, and got back on the wagon. Those of you who have never dieted have just fallen off your chair at the idea that I left that meeting feeling that way and then ate a donut. Those of you who can relate to my struggle will understand that sometimes, when you really want something, and you tell yourself you can't have it, you want it 100 times more. And you will "eat around" that thing trying to satisfy yourself for the thing you 'couldn't' have, and end up eating more than you would have if you would have just let yourself have the thing. So, I had the thing. It was good but not as great as I had built it up to be after a month donut-less.Sigh.

 

I leave you with a few more pictures. Josie's been on a thrill ride lately with these two brothers. Usually she is tickled pink. Sometimes she ends up in tears from a tumble. And usually the drivers are going way too fast, which of course she loves, and I worry sick about and tell them to SLOW DOWN NELLI!

 

And speaking of tickled pink... he just wanted to know if it would fit. You be the judge.



I feel like I haven't posted any pictures lately so here's a few.

Also, I didn't update from Tuesday's Jenny Craig meeting which I know everyone is dying to hear about.
Lost: 1.8
Cumulative Loss: 9.1

I would love to hit the 10 pound mark this coming Tuesday but I am nervous. Although I did get some extra activity in (we painted two bedrooms last week. Waahooey!), I also ate more. Primarily the binge Saturday night in front of the pantry. I am not proud but I am honest. I just had a moment of wanting everything in there, so I did a pantry sampling that had to add up to at LEAST 500 calories which was unplanned and left me with much regret. So I am a bit nervous about this coming Tuesday which is a first since I have started. Aargh. But, in the spirit of looking on the bright side, this was my first big mistake in a month since starting, and I can guarantee if I wasn't on track to do something about my weight, this would have already happened several times and I would be worse off than I was before.

Ok, so enough of that, here's the pictures for the week.

I don't think I ever posted the all the cousins at Christmas photo did I? The master plan was for all of the girls to have pink on but it didn't quite work out so just work with me here.

Josie has started doing some chores....

as well as working out regularly....

like big brother who is playing basketball, which is giving him exercise, and his brother something to complain about having to go to every week....

love a babe in overalls....

And finally, I leave you Josie's new look, dubbed "old man face"