Fresh Start

I have decided to document a journey that has been started and stopped many times before--weight loss. I feel that this has been an issue in my life since high school. I remember eating carrots and pretzels for meals in hopes of losing or maintaining my weight. Then, after I graduated college and got my first job, it took me about a year to get around to losing all of the pizza, breadsticks, and beer from college. I joined Weight Watchers and lost 33 pounds a year or so before getting married. I was motivated, and I was sure that I would never end up in that place again.

Fast forward to 14 years and 3 kids later. I gained about 50 lbs with each pregnancy, always managing to hang onto 10-15 of those after the baby was born. After 3 kids, this has really started to add up.

When I look in the mirror, I feel like I am a caricature of myself. I somewhat resemble myself, but in a funny cartoonish sort of way. When I see pictures, I honestly can't believe that this is what I look like, so I generally avoid pictures and home videos. I am always the one behind the camera. Which honestly, is not the way I want my kids' lives to be documented. I want them to grow up and see me in their memories too.

I know that I am able. I really want to do it. But I have started, and failed, so many times that at some point I have stopped believing in myself and my abilities. I used to think that I could do anything that I set my mind to. When I was in college, I challenged myself one semester to get straight A's, and I did. When I first joined Weight Watchers, it never crossed my mind that I would not lose the weight. But now, here I sit, wondering if this is the way it will always be. I want to do it, but  haven't found the strength or motivation to stick with it and make it happen. But a great America lyric comes to mind: "Oh, Oz never did give nothin' to the Tinman. That he didn't, didn't already have".  I know I already have the ability within me. I just need to believe in myself again.

So, the outcome is this. My word, or phrase, or resolution, for 2013 is:

EMPOWER MYSELF

 

I want to believe that I CAN lose the weight. I CAN figure out how to put something together, or read a manual, or make something work again. I CAN understand how to use the new iphone5 I was recently armwrestled into. I AM smart and I CAN DO IT!!!

 

I have joined Jenny Craig, and I will document my journey on my blog as another accountability tool, and just because I like to talk about stuff.

 

Do I think Jenny Craig is the smartest, best choice to lose weight? No, not really. Honestly, I'm sure that Weight Watchers is a better plan. But it just isn't doing it for me anymore. I feel overwhelmed by the amount of tracking, and looking up, and measuring, and writing down that it takes, and I have tried to restart it no less than 5 times in the last 14 years unsuccessfully. So, I just need something new. Something that is sort of a no brainer. Enter Jenny Craig. Initially, you eat off of their preplanned, prepackaged menu, so the extent of my effort is to look at the daily chart and see what I am going to pop in the microwave next. I just started last Tuesday, so tomorrow is my first weigh-in.

 

I will check in with you again tomorrow and let you know how my first week went.

 

I appreciate you being part of my cheersquad.