Oh my goodness

It's been a long time, hasn't it?

Where does one start when they haven't posted word one for 6 weeks? Sadly, it wasn't even for lack of material. I will often compose a whole post in my head (which I soon promptly forget) while I am weeding the garden or doing other daily chores. I would say it's truly just been a lack of motivation. I think it is the summer illness that befalls we bloggers. LACK O MOTIVATION. Or maybe I'm mostly speaking for myself.

So, let's see. I guess in order of priorities, I have something sort of BIG to share. Which, being that I only have 3 (admitted) "followers" of my blog, I would say you probably already know so I am mainly only sharing this with the random bloke who unintentionally stumbles upon this here blog while doing a google search including the words "new gardeners on plantations" or some such nonsense.

And, while I can wholeheartedly admit that the use of the following words is a straight out plagiarism of my friend Allie's blog, I must use them because they stuck with me.

I'm in the family way.

Do you know what this means? Because my husband didn't so I'm just checking.

You know, cooking a bun in my oven.

See?

Though, I must admit that the bun was more of a Hungry Jack buttermilk biscuit in this photo (16 weeks) and has grown into more of a Pillsbury Grand now at almost 20 weeks.

I'm already HALFWAY there! YOWZA!

And, it took me a while to get the courage to share this news.

You see, this is my 8th pregnancy. And if you know me, you know how many children I have.

This is my 5th pregnancy in 18 months. All since moving to Iowa. So to actually utter the words "I'm pregnant" have been more than a little difficult. In fact, virtually impossible. I think I have only said those  exact words once when no other words would fill in the blanks. If that seems strange, think of it as a self preservation mechanism. At some point, when you have suffered any sort of loss repeatedly, you have to sort of numb yourself to the reality. You know, not set yourself up for failure again. Because if you get too invested in a reality that might well not play out, the loss is only harder. So best to assume things will probably not work out than to run out and buy new maternity clothes or start picking names. Which I had done before. So I'd know.

I wanted to share this with the blogging world for another reason. This experience has reinforced to me the delicacy of words which should and shouldn't be used when you are speaking to someone who has had, or is having, an experience you cannot relate to. Here's my advice. The best words to say are:

I'm so sorry.

I can't imagine what that's like for you.

I am praying for you.

I'm here for you.

This would apply to nearly any scary/sad/stressful situation someone you know is experiencing, but you yourself have no experience in. I have always used these words at funerals or with someone who has lost a loved one.

I'm so sorry you are going through this. I can't imagine what this must be like for you. I realize that there is nothing I can say to make you feel better, so I just want you to know that I am here for you and praying for you, and if there is anything at all I can do for you I will.

Here's a few examples of words, that while well intentioned as they are coming from people who care about you and your well being, are not the best chosen.

If you say: "I didn't know. I wish I would have known."
TRANSLATION to person hurting: Why didn't you tell me? Why didn't you tell me sooner? Why are you only telling me now? That hurts my feelings.

Or, if you say:
"Maybe you should just be thankful and focus on the children you do have now."
TRANSLATION: I was able to have as many children as I wanted, and I am not relating at all to your feelings of wanting more children and not feeling like your family was complete yet. Don't be selfish and ask for more.
Or,
"Do you really want to be having children when you are 40?"
TRANSLATION: You are an old bag who will in no way be capable of running around after a child. Regardless of the fact that you are only 38, people (translate celebrities at least!) do it all of the time, and I am not yet confined to Depends and a wheelchair.

I have wanted to share these thoughts mainly as a public awareness message. In my opinion, if a person is sharing a hurt or loss with you, it is only your job to listen to them and try to empathize in the best way possible. It is not your job to solve their problem, because chances are, there is nothing you can say that will make them feel better right now, unless you've been in those same shoes and found something that you truly think might help them because it helped you. Just listen, be a friend, and love them. The end.

Whew.

So, I am really super excited.
But it's still hard to accept that this is really going to happen. Now that I can feel some movement every day it is starting to feel more real. But it's been a long, long journey of acceptance of this reality. I wanted to accept it but was afraid to.

Stay tuned to find out what flavor we'll be having. We'll know very soon......