Monday

It's probably safe to say that when I start typing in the big blank box for my blog entry with no real coherent thought as to where I am going with it, you are going to leave here slightly unfulfilled. The slightly part being just a kindness to myself.

I'm down in the gutter with a cold. I've had the cough for a month and the cold for about a week and a half, but it really punched me in my kneecaps just yesterday. It feels like there is some sort of construction work by tiny men being carried out right between my eyebrows. Those same tiny men also pour concrete into my nostrils which conveniently sets while I sleep, only to start again the next night. I can't taste or smell anything which completely takes the fun out of eating. I'm not a pill popper by any stretch, but I have to give a shout out to my friends at Excedrin. It's possible you should need a prescription for this wonder drug. It is amazing. It is the only thing that will take away a headache for me. Ever. I see no need for Tylenol's existence. It does absolutely nothing for me ever, but my steadfast friend Excedrin always does the trick. If only I didn't have to wait 6 hours because after about 4 the tiny men put their lunch pails away, throw their hard hats back on, and resume their work full throttle in my head.

So that's about it. We continue being dumped on with snow which bothers me not in the least. Except it might mean a snow delay or{gasp}cancellation, which under normal circumstances would be all fine and dandy except if my guys fight with this party going on in my head it's going to be a loooooooong day.

So to end with a positive spin, today I give thanks for Excedrin, beautiful snow, and the fact that my body usually feels quite fantastic so I appreciate it even more when I'm not feeling so groovy.

The magic of God

A conversation with Jack on the way home today:

J: "Boy, I just love it when the snow sparkles like that."

Me: "Yeah, it sure is beautiful. God sure makes some beautiful things, doesn't  he?"

J: "Yeah and God also likes it when we forgive people. And he forgives us of our sins."


Me: "Yes, because God likes us to be like him, and he always forgave people."

J: "I bet when God was alive he always forgave people."

Me: "Well, he is still alive."

J: "When was he born?"

Me: "Well, he created the whole world, remember?"

J: "Well then, who borned him? Oh, well I guess because he’s magic, he could born himself. "

And, satisfied as he was that that was that, the conversation was over.

Feeling doovy

So, the topic today is about feeling dumb, but when I kept saying feeling dumb in my head, the song "Feeling Groovy kept repeating, so...we bring ourselves to the title of today's post.

So, I've been subbing a lot as an associate in the schools, which is great. Flexible work, you can say yes or no as you please, and you get a little extra cash. Plus, I enjoy it. Even if it's busy work like making copies, it makes you feel that you accomplished something at the end of the day. But the part I have enjoyed the most is working with the kids. I've worked both one on one with a 7th grader, as well as working in small groups with 3rd and 4th graders. But, here's the catch. You have to actually understand the material you are teaching them. Hence my struggle. For example,

"Mrs. Miller? I have to work with some other children on their math. Could you sit and work through some common denominator problems with these two?"

"Me: "Umm, excuse me, what? Common denominator? It sounds familiar but.... can we do a few more together to review?" Translation kill me now because I have no freakin' clue how to do that. 231 and 60-can you tell me what the highest common denominator is? And really, here's the million dollar question, asked by one of the students-Why do we have to do this? Will we ever use this? And WHAT do you say to that? Have you ever used that in your life? Do you know what she finally answered? Because I have to teach this to you so you have to learn it. Because that's what it really comes down to. But wait, there's more!

Who conquered the Aztecs? Or the Incas? And why can we not really say that Christopher Columbus 'discovered' America. (Umm, excuse me, what? We can't say that? I thought that's what we said?) And how are molds and casts different? Would a jellyfish make a mold or cast? Possessive nouns, commas, long multiplication by hand. Oh my goodness. Brain, why have you forsaken me?

The problem is this. I used to consider myself a smart person. Back when smart was all measured by grades and SAT scores. And setting the curve, and having your paper be the one put up on the overhead as an example of a good paper. And superior honor roll, and gifted and talented. It was all so measurable and because everyone else thought you were smart, and gee, the markers all said you were smart, TADA! You were smart. But then you go to college, where suddenly you are a very small fish in a very large pond, and there are lots of people, much smarter than you. And then, you are in the workforce, where it doesn't matter how well you can memorize facts for a test, but it's now about how well you can manage and execute and make creative and critical decisions, and now, how smart are you? But I still thought I could hold my own.

And then, I pushed out my brain with the afterbirth, or something of that nature when I had kids. And now here I am. And now I sit in bookclub while other women who have also given birth but still have retained some semblence of brainwave activity discuss how we should choose a women's liberation author such as x or y, and how the situation in this book is so similar to the situation going on in country z right now, and I sit drooling onto my paper plate of baby carrots and tortilla chips holding out my glass for another refill of sangria wondering when we'll talk about the important stuff like who Kim Kardashian is dating now. You know, something I can really participate in and of which I have greater knowledge. And I wonder, how did this happen to me? Please, don't look at me, I'm hideous.

I really don't know how to wrap this post up except that I've been feeling really doovy lately and I'm not sure what to do about it. Thanks for listening. And oh, will you pass the sangria?

Cletus and Buckwheat

Somehow we have transformed into the Beverly Hillbillies seemingly overnight.

This one here's Cletus:

I got me a front tooth that can lay sideways! Yee hah!

Thankfully that sad tooth finally let go today. I was a little embarrassed for him walking around with it poking through his lips.

And this one raht here's known aroun' these parts as Buckwheat:

He's got him an attitude word tee shirt!

Now, I've never been one for the attitude word shirts. You know, I'm with Stupid, or Bun in the Oven with an arrow pointing at a pregnant belly. And kids word shirts are abundant as well but I've never even mildly been interested in buying one. You know, I've Got a Party in My Pants, things of that nature. But then, Jack saw this one (at Children's Place for goodness sakes, an upstanding citizen of the kids retail world) and just had to have it. He even wore it to bed last night. Look how happy he is with this on!

So I've hung up my pride and I will send him to school in the 'tude T.

All in the name of love.

This is what it looks like...

...to be five years old, get sassy, get sent to your room as a result, then throw such a tantrum about those events that you finally collapse in a heap in your chair and fall asleep.

...to play outside when it's so friggin' cold that ice forms on the cuffs of your shirt sleeves that have slipped out from under your coat, and then rubs your skin till it's red and makes your mom fear you've gotten frostbite

...to be an object that has the power to launch the beholder straight into 1982 in a single glance

O.M.G.

I saw this Little Professor at school and literally stepped into a time traveling rocketship and went straight back to being 10 years old in a heartbeat. Have you ever seen something that's been so far removed from your current life but has the power to take you back there in an instant?

...to party like it's 1989 with my gals in Detroit dancing to an 80's tribute band. Prince, Madonna, Cheap Trick... be still my beating heart.

{this is also what it looks like to be a lead singer and wear pants that are inappropriately tight highlighting all the wrong things}

{this is also what it looks like to wear a skin tone bra, that while under normal inspection causes no alarm, but mysteriously under the scrutiny of a camera lens always rears it's ugly head}

Book reviews

I took a quick break from memoirs and just finished reading Stephen King's latest book,

This book is a collection of 4 short stories. What I love about them is that although the stories can make you feel scared to turn the light off at night, that isn't the driving purpose of the stories. The intent is to try to understand how regular, ordinary people like you and I might find themselves in awful circumstances and show the human side of how they got there, how they feel, and how they handle the situation. All the stories involve murder of some sort, but the intent is to see behind the person and what motivations a person  might have to do what they do. It's easy to read a news headline and make judgements on how something is so unbelievable, that person is a monster, how could this or that  happen or not, but it's another to get a chance to 'look into the mind' of that person.

Now that I finished that one, I'm ready to dive into a new book on my shelf. I have a handful of books that I picked up at garage sales over the summer, and the one I chose to start tonight is this:

I am returning to my newest love, memoirs. What I like about the memoirs I have been reading lately is the honesty of the author in recounting their lives. I may lose my love of memoirs if I read a celebrity memoir which was meant to 'let you inside' their lives but told you nothing honest. So far, the memoirs I've ready lately are written by people who have nothing to lose by letting you in to see their honest feelings, thoughts and motivations. Hope this one is good!

This ain't my first rodeo

We reluctantly took down our Christmas things this weekend. Very reluctantly. I've been clinging onto Christmas the way Lindsey Lohan must have clung to her last appletini before rehab claimed her for the 39th time. Even Jack said that "he felt really glum taking all of the Christmas down". Yes he said glum folks. If anyone doesn't think they learn much in 2nd grade you might have to reconsider. Rob and I cannot even pass the multiple choice science worksheets he is bringing home. Which of these is a physical change? Cheese melting? A cake baking? Toast burning? Good God how did we know all of this at one time? Focus Rachel, focus.

It sure makes me feel glum too. Doesn't your house look so plain and empty once it's all gone? Suddenly there are corners recently filled with something and now empty that scream FILL ME WITH SOMETHING FESTIVE AND COLORFUL! Do you think home interior stores benefit from the after Christmas decoration taking down glums?

We went to a rodeo Friday night. And while it WAS the first rodeo for all the boys in the family, it wasn't my first rodeo. C'mon I lived in Oklahoma! What do you think we did for fun besides rodeos and calf fries? Which BTW I refused to ever taste. Watching all of the bull riders was fun but one of the highlights for me was the Mutton ride; 5-7 year old boys, all decked out in their cowboy boots, hats and plaid shirts tucked into their jeans with a little belt, riding sheep to beat the band. They would lay down on top of the sheep and hold on so tight around their necks as they ran around the ring until they slid off into the dust. It was priceless.

And, if you were wondering, we had success at the dentist office this past week! Yee hah! I wasn't in there (maybe why it went well?) but when they called me back I got a good report (with no details) so we can call it a successful dentist visit.

And finally, those pesky NY resolutions. I think it actually just stresses me out making them. I feel defeated because of not fulfilling past promises. So it's probably all of the same things I usually am working on. Last year's resolutions involved losing weight/getting healthier, spending more quality time with the boys, and spending more quality time with God. The only one I feel I did pretty well on was spending better time with the boys. Which is a pretty important one really. So, the furthest I've gotten for 2011 resolutions is to quit plucking my new white hairs that grow in and stick straight up on the top of my head. Which I've done pretty well on so far save the 2 or so I pulled out the other night. Progress is baby steps.

Monday

In entertainment news today, People Daily reported on the happy engagement of Hugh Hefner, 84, to Crystal Harris, 24.

{Below, an excerpt from the article}.

Although she cried with happiness, Harris says, "There wasn't any 'down-on-one-knee' or anything like that, because we are not traditional."

Apparently, this sentence was then accidentally omitted from the article:
"Another reason to forgo the 'down-on-one-knee' bit, of course aside from the fact that we are not traditional, is that we would have had to contact LifeAlert to help me raise him back up to a standing position seein's how he's 84 and all."


Next on the docket, happy birthday today to my dear old young! mom:

In other news, let's talk books.

I had a big reading month in December, and would like to share in case you need some options.

Little Bee

British couple Andrew and Sarah O'Rourke, vacationing on a Nigerian beach in a last-ditch effort to save their faltering marriage, come across Little Bee and her sister, Nigerian refugees fleeing from machete-wielding soldiers intent on clearing the beach. The horrific confrontation that follows changes the lives of everyone involved in unimaginable ways. {Amazon.com review}

I liked this book, and it offered up ample conversation for our book club.

'Katie.com

This is a memoir written by a girl now in her 20's, but who was 13 at the time she became involved with a man she met on the internet. Her encounter became the first internet predator case to be prosecuted. This was very interesting and a quick 3 hour or less read.

Memoirs of a Boy Soldier

This absorbing account by a young man who, as a boy of 12, gets swept up in Sierra Leone's civil war goes beyond even the best journalistic efforts in revealing the life and mind of a child abducted into the horrors of warfare. Beah's harrowing journey transforms him overnight from a child enthralled by American hip-hop music and dance to an internal refugee bereft of family, wandering from village to village in a country grown deeply divided by the indiscriminate atrocities of unruly, sociopathic rebel and army forces.  {Amazon.com review}

I like to read books that expand my horizons beyond my own little sphere, and I think it's important to learn about and understand what is going on in our world, so although sad and disturbing at times, this was really eye opening.

Half a Life

“Half my life ago, I killed a girl.”

So begins Darin Strauss’ Half a Life, the true story of how one outing in his father’s Oldsmobile resulted in the death of a classmate and the beginning of a different, darker life for the author. We follow Strauss as he explores his startling past—collision, funeral, the queasy drama of a high-stakes court case—and what starts as a personal tale of a tragic event opens into the story of how to live with a very hard fact: we can try our human best in the crucial moment, and it might not be good enough. Half a Life is a nakedly honest, ultimately hopeful examination of guilt, responsibility, and living with the past. {Amazon.com review}

This was also a very quick read, 3 hours or so. I loved the honesty of this author and his ability to admit to all of the true feelings and emotions he endured as a result of the accident.

Dave Barry does it again

Once again this year, I must point you towards the amazing Dave Barry and his 2010 recap. If you weren't lucky enough to see his year in review in your local paper, you can read it here. But, be warned, you must be in a place where you can laugh out loud. Repeatedly. And I am not an easy crowd when it comes to laughing out loud at things I read. {I'm realizing suddenly that since I've claimed to neither cry, nor laugh easily, on this blog, I must come across as a robotic creature void of emotion. Really, I'm feeling it too. You just can't tell.}

I have to tell you that Dave Barry is one of the funniest people I have ever encountered. You must be slightly up on pop culture to get some of his references, but if you don't read these articles without laughing out loud at least once, you must be a robotic creature void of emotion. HA HA! See the tie in! You must have around 20 minutes or so to read it all, since it takes up over 2 full newspaper pages, but I think it's well worth it.

Here's a sampling of a few of his comments as he is reviewing the happenings of 2010 month by month:

May
"...the pesky Deepwater Horizon oil spill dominates the news as BP tries a series of increasingly desparate measures to plug the leak, including, at one point, a 167,000-lb wad of pre-chewed Juicy Fruit. President Obama, eager to show that he is on top of the situation, develops severe forehead cramps from standing on the shore and frowning with concern at the water.
{and later in the article under July} Although oil is no longer leaking, much damage has been done, so this remains the focus of the nations attention for nearly 45 minutes, after which the nation's attention shifts to Lindsay Lohan.

February
{on how big the Toyota Camry recall became} In business news, Toyota suffers yet another blow when a U.S. Department of transportation study links the Camry to both diabetes and the JFK assassination.

April
In a related development, Iran purchases $78 million worth of used nuclear-missile parts on Craiglist.

July
In the month's most dramatic story, 33 copper miners in Chile are trapped underground following a cave-in caused by a runaway Toyota Camry. The good news is that the men are still alive; the bad news is that the only drilling equipment capable of reaching them quickly belongs to BP. Informed of this, the men elect to stay down there for the time being.

And on and on it goes. Oh, I do love me a good New Years's laugh. Check it out if you can and let me know if you have the same kind of humor.