Just rip it

So here's the deal on moving.

Sometimes, you just rip the bandaid, and it hurts really bad for a second, but then you move on.
Other times, you rip it off slowly, and it pulls on each individual hair as it releases, giving you not just one big moment of pain, but a longer, slower experience where you feel it ripping.

We are experiencing the slow rip.

Rob started looking for a job in March, and unfortunately, with us living in a smaller market, there really was nothing to be found here. Thankfully, he did land a job, but that job requires a move back to Indiana. While there are obviously good things about moving back to Indiana, it has also been a very long and painful time for us. We live in our dream home. We love our school. We have been fortunate enough to meet a large group of friends that we do a lot of fun things with. We love the people of Iowa and how in just 3 short years, we have fully ingrained ourselves here. So this move is very painful. And we've sat and prayed and hoped that something else might come through for us but nothing has, so we must move forward and accept what is happening and make the best of it. However, what our heads know can't always conquer what our hearts feel, and that is where we are. We can make a list, and we have, of all the good things about moving to Indiana. We tell ourselves that is good for the kids. It makes them more flexible. It's good for us. It doesn't let you get stuck in a rut. Allows you to reinvent yourself. It's closer to family. It's cheaper to live there. And on and on. But the heart doesn't care. The heart can only focus on what we have now and what we know and what we are giving up. We don't know the other end. We don't know our house, our school, our day to day friends, the grocery store we'll go to, how to get to that grocery store, or the church we'll attend. Right now, we only know all that we leave behind, and that hurts. We are tired of feeling sad. We want to live for each day and not waste any more time. But it is hard. It's very, very hard. So please forgive my long blog absense, my lack of phone calls, and the feeling that you don't know what's going on with me. I'm sorry. I know it's hard to understand why I seem to have dropped off the face of the earth but I'm trying to find my way through all of this and it is murky water. If you are one of those who will be closer, please believe that we are truly happy to be closer to you and see you more. We really are. We are just mired down in our current reality and we will get through it. But we have to take baby steps. So please pray for us to trust in the Lord's plan and keep on moving forward instead of grasping what we have so tightly it makes moving forward nearly impossible. It will all be fine in the long run. But getting there... ouch.