50 Shades of Annoying

I can only say this book was horrible. Suck. Double suck. Suckola. I can only surmise that lots of "non-readers" read this book and that's why it's made it on the New York Times Bestseller list. I am not saying this to be a snob, but to say that if you are a regular reader, you will see instantly just how poor the writing is in this book. If you aren't, you might not notice, and just get hung up in all of the sexual detail that is provided. Or just think it's a great book because you don't have much else to compare it to.

Despite the level of awful this book reached, I did finish book one. I like to think of myself as a committed reader. Once I start a book, I will finish it. HOWEVER, I could not justify spending another minute to read books 2 and 3, so I will just have to trust that the writing continued to suck at the highest level and I would be better off spending my time cleaning my toilets or flossing.

If I was extra witty, I would have come up with 50 ways this book sucked, but I only have these for you. Apparently, when this author discovered something she thought was incredibly hip or charming to say, she decided that the phrase simply must be used no less than 73 times throughout the book. Here's a few examples:

1. Crap. Double crap.Crapola. Holy Crap. Are we in 4th grade?
2. My inner Goddess. Enough with that already. Does anyone in real life refer to their Inner Goddess?
3. My subconscious. Refer to point 2.
4. My breath hitched in my throat. Does this happen to anyone really? On a regular basis?
5. I murmured. He murmured.  Did I said or he said become outdated?
6. He's so beautiful. Every time she walked into a room and saw him, she had to launch into this huge discourse about how beautiful he was and how he was shirtless and how his jeans hung on his hips. Honestly, we got it after the first time you described it.
7. Don't bit your lip. Have you ever needed to rip some one's clothes off the second you see them bite their lip? Is this a turn on I am missing out on?
8. I'm beguiled with you. Here's another example of the author discovering what she saw as a clever word and overusing it to death.
9. She trips twice and stutters/stumbles over her words upon their first meeting. She never gives us convincing material to understand how a guy like this could be attracted to what appears to be a bumbling idiot.
10. And finally, here is an excerpt that shows that no editor must have been involved in this book:

"Saturday at the store is a nightmare. We are besieged by do-it-yourselfers wanting to spruce up their homes. Mr. and Mrs. Clayton and Jon and Patrick-the other two part-timers-and I are besieged by customers."

Yuck! Aargh! I simply must fulfill a dream of mine to write a book someday. It seems anyone can make it to the big time nowadays.

Anyone else agree with me?