Finally someone who understands me

I have just finished a memoir entitled Candy and Me-A Girl's Tale of Life, Love and Sugar, by Hilary Liftin.









This book had me at candy. I devoured it in one sitting. Pun intended.

Like the author, I have had a love affair with candy from the day we met. I can't imagine a life without candy in it. It is an addiction as real as alcohol or other "drugs" yet it is not looked down upon. I imagine the cure to this addiction would be to give it up altogether as happens with other addicts trying to be clean, but I truly can't imagine ever doing that. It is a love hate relationship. I love it and I crave it but when I eat it, especially in quantities beyond what I should have eaten, the hate begins.

This was the first passage that really spoke to me personally, as I know exactly how she feels. She was discussing a birthday party she attended, and unsure of what sort of gift might be appropriate, she decided to gift an entire shoebox filled with all sorts of candy dumped in. She writes,

 "For everyone else this indulgence was a novelty that came and went, but I was acutely aware of where the box was in the room, how much candy remained, and how soon it would make its way back to me. I wouldn't stop eating until it was empty, and feared that someone would notice my single-mindedness. It was the first time I had an inkling that others were easily distracted from sweets by more central events, where for me, the distraction of sweets was the main event."

Finally. Someone who understands me.

And later, on willpower to do the right thing:

"Willpower is not black and white. I exercise willpower on every trip to the grocery store, but no checkout person watching my selections bump down the conveyor belt would believe it. What I hope for, one day, is to be free of the need for willpower. I didn't need willpower to avoid heroin. I had no natural desire for it. I didn't need willpower to avoid meat. I ate it when I wanted, in whatever quantity I desired. Willpower is a denial of desire. It can be partial ("I'm not having dessert today") or absolute ("I'm not having dessert ever") but it is always self-denial. I don't want to curb desire. I want either to indulge it or eradicate it."

This passage really speaks to me because every trip "out" is a test of willpower. If I go to a gas station or a grocery store, there are so many temptations that must be refused to get through the trip that it can feel overwhelming. The willpower required to not buy the wrong things and indulge those desires has to be very strong. If I am weak in any way, I will give in and buy a donut, or a candy bar, or a forbidden in the house no-no like Oreos. There are certain things that just can't come in this house, and those include Oreos, the only store bought cookie worth eating to me, Golden Grahams, and candy. Because if a bag of candy is bought, whatever package it comes in is the serving size. There is no saving for later. And judging on the amount of peanut butter I just ate for my dinner tonight and the stomach rumblings in response to that, I might just have to add peanut butter to that list. So as she states, when that conveyor belt pulls my selections toward the checker and it doesn't have any sweets lying on it, it is a big win for me, although the checker might not see the internal battles I fought to make those decisions.

Hilary seals the deal with me when she confesses that she loves the old-fashioned marshmallow egg. My friends, this rare gem is my favorite. You know, around Easter it used to pop up, though nowadays it's hard to find. A thick colorful candy coating on the outside, and inside, the dense marshmallow filling that is pure sugar grittiness? They used to come all loose in a bag but now they are usually individually wrapped and then put in a bag. My sister used to trade me hers for whatever she liked at the annual dump-your-basket-on-the-carpet-and-let's-see-what-we-each-got-and-need-to-trade event, which happened shortly after Easter or Halloween, and I gladly accepted the trade.

I can't say this was a self-help book in any way, as I strongly desired all sorts of different candies upon finishing the book, but it is an honest portrayal of a woman's struggle to find an acceptable place for candy to fit in her life, as well as a look back at her life and how different candies defined different times in  her life, much as a song takes you to a certain time or place when you hear it on the radio. Jolly rancher sticks (you know those long flat ones?) will always remind  me of my friend Anne and I riding to the Corner Market and buying small brown paper bags full of candy and coming home to eat it all at once on my swingset. Taffy sticks (you know those long flat ones in wax paper?) will always remind me of the town fair. Middle school=large chewy SweeTarts, and Fun Dips. Nerds in a box with a popout spout, one flavor on each side of the box. Big League Chew, and volcano rocks popping in your mouth. My dad buying us tubes of Necco Wafers. At Christmas, the storybook box with rolls of Life Savers inside. The candy cane of M&M's.The giant Hershey's Kiss. Then High School. How exciting Jelly Bellies were. Alison and I would go the mall just to select bags with all sorts of different flavors in them.  Boxes of Junior Mints always at the movies. Pixy Stix and Circus Peanuts.

And I could go on and on. What is proved to me, I guess, is that it's not all that crazy this love affair I have with candy. It defines your life, past and present, and helps you remember a lot of good memories all candy coated and sweet. And that's really not a bad thing, now is it?

Musing on the throne

As I sat using the restroom this morning, with the door wide open as is the custom in my home as I expect my visitors to arrive imminently as I have all but given up on bathroom privacy, I listened to the kids in the basement playing. Josie kept yelling IPOD! IPOD! and as I pondered that the word ipod registers in her first 100 words, I realized how different her upbringing already is than  her brother's was. When Jack arrived just 10 years ago, Rob had a beeper for me to contact him when I thought it was time to head to the hospital. A beeper. And now, Josie, at 1,  knows how to swipe through my photos on my iphone and play videos. It's amazing to realize the pace that technology is moving at and it amazes me just as much the people who are able to keep up with that pace.

I have mentioned before that I'm not all that interested in keeping up with all of it. There is some truth in the mere fact that it's easier not to learn it. It can be overwhelming to keep up with all of it. But moreso, it's my desire to not do it. To try to keep the pace slower and the interactions more solid and tangible. Look around at people in lines, or in restaurants. It's gotten to the place where people truly feel uncomfortable with silence and quiet space. If a person is idle, even for a moment, they appear fidgety and embarressed to not be typing away or looking at a screen like everyone else is, or maybe they feel like they are wasting time or being unproductive.

Which led me into my next thought... if quiet time, and mental silence, is going by the wayside, what is happening to society's relationship with God? If we can't sit and just drink a cup of coffee while looking out the window at the trees swaying and the birds flying and be amazed by creation. If we can't stand in line and just be still. If we can't just be. If we can't turn off the itunes and have nothing flowing into our ears. Where will contemplation and meditation go? When will be able to listen to God and just be in His presence?

While technology has brought huge gains to our medical fields and national safety, what are the equally powerful downsides and what does our future look like?

Something to think about as you drink your coffee today and look out the window.

A few more tidbits

I have a few more bits I collected from the Happiness Project that I wanted to pass along. I think they are interesting concepts.

*Try a week of extreme nice. Choose a person you would like to try this on, and try to do all you can to be extremely nice in all you say and do for them. This would be very interesting and I think would show you how much more you could do or say to show your love for them when you are being very deliberate about it.

*Fog happiness. This term means a feeling of happiness you get from something in your life, that when closely examined doesn't really seem to bring you any happiness at all, yet somehow it does. An example given was throwing a party-when you look at all it takes to actually get it together, it's hard to say for many that you loved doing it as you executed the details of making it happen, but overall when you look back at it, you say you were happy throwing that party. This term was also applied to parenting; when you look at the minutue of each thing you do to parent each day, you might not get happiness from many of those details of the parenting, yet when someone asks you what makes you happiest in your life, you say your children. Hence the term, fog happiness.

Food for thought.

In the same book vein, I just finished Gone Girl by Gillian Flynn. (As always my book links take you to Amazon... initially because, why not? and now, because my husband works there so why not support the cause?)

I found this book really interesting once I got into it, and filled with surprises. Theirs is a caustic relationship, but that is what makes this read all the more fascinating. I recommend it!

Changes

At 18 months, Josie only had about 3 words that she used properly, in context. I really wasn't too concerned, as she has 4 people regularly waiting on her and kissing her cute little butt, but the doctor wanted her to see First Steps and have her evaluated for speech, which we did, and for about a month, Josie has been seeing a developmental therapist once a week. I have to think it has helped, because as of now, she has about 30 words. Either that, or it was just the same timing and it would have happened anyway. I am going to go with the idea that therapy has helped pull those words out and give us good strategies on how to do that.

Tonight, she gave me that 30th word for the list, punk. Around here, I use the word "punk" as a term of endearment, despite how it might come across. In storytelling, however, it is another thing, as in, I was waited on in the store by a young high school punk. But, for our purposes tonight, I was calling her a punk in the most loving way.

A few quick thoughts tonight

Hi there, nothing earth shattering to discuss tonight, just thought I would share a few more of the tidbits I best liked about the Happiness Project book.

*The One Minute Rule- don't postpone anything that can be done in one minute. (This would sure eliminate a lot of the clutter and "big clean up" sessions I have if I would stick with this idea)

*Act the way we want to feel. I shared this one with Jack, and we have tried it when we are feeling tired/lazy but want to feel energetic, by going outside and taking a bike ride, etc. and pretending like we are full of energy to try to get us there. I like this concept.

*Six seconds is the minimum hug time to promote bonding. Try it out.

and finally,

*People are 97% more likely to feel close to a family member who often expresses affection.

All sensible stuff, but we all need good reminders! Happy Thursday!

Luke-isms

I have tried to keep track of a few Luke comments over the last few months so I can record them for posterity.

*Running errands just he and I (love the conversation we have when it's just the two of us!) "There are some things that have never happened to this family-poor, lose your life, lost in the desert, or run out of gas."

*On our friends the Millers who recently moved to China: "If there was a big battle, like World War 3, would the Millers still cheer for America?"

*On being told that we were going to spend the night at Grandma and Pappy's: "YES! I just like to hear the birds cheeping in the morning!"

*And while we were visiting them, Pappy said to Luke, "You'd better eat your dinner, Grandma worked all day making this!" So Luke replied, "Pappy, didn't you give Grandma any lovin' today?"

*And tonight, after camping with friends from Iowa and developing a small boy crush on his friend Leo, he said, "I just keep saying to myself, DREAM ABOUT LEO! DREAM ABOUT LEO! before I go to bed! I mean, don't forget your math facts, but dream about Leo. I tell ALL my layers to do that."

OMG

This is what you are saying to yourself when you happen to log on and see I have a new post, right?

Ok, well, here's the truth. I enjoy blogging as long as I don't put any pressure on myself about the frequency. And I have several blog posts composed in my head most of the time. But my pitfall is the actual ACT of putting thought to paper. Or keyboard. Or whatever. It's not that I don't like to do it, it's just that at the end of the day after putting 3 kids to bed, cleaning up the kitchen/dishes, and catching up on laundry, I really mostly feel like pouring a cold beer into a mug and sitting down to a new episode of Keeping up with the Kardashians. Which is a cold hard truth that I am not afraid to admit to. It's not that I look up to them, strive to be like them, or even long for their lifestyle. It is just plain interesting to watch because I think they act like their true selves for the most part, and it's interesting to watch someone else's life.

So, I am back, with as little meaningful and worthwhile material as I had before, but at least I have a place to brain dump again and I guess that's kind of fun.

So let's kick it off with a Wal-Mart eyeshadow discussion. The title of this post is called, what would you do?

Several months ago, I was shopping at Wal-Mart for a few things, against my better judgement of course, but it's way closer and sometimes that's all it is. I walk out, unload my cart, and return my cart to the corral. As I do this, I notice a brand new eyeshadow in one of the other carts pushed into the corral. Hmm. What to do. I pick it up, and put it in my purse, soon to land in my bathroom drawer to remain unopened until I had this "conversation" with ya'll.

So here's some questions for you.
*Does this feel like stealing to you?
*Would it feel different if you had found it lying in the parking lot on the ground?
*Would you think twice if you found a dollar lying in the parking lot? Would you keep it, or return it to Wal-Mart in case someone came back for it?
*What are the chances that a person would go home, realize the eye shadow hadn't gotten home with them, and return to Wal Mart inquiring if someone had turned it in?
*If this was Target instead of Wal Mart, would I have gone back in to return it?

One of the underlying issues was that I felt the chances were slim to none that someone would come back in asking about the eye shadow. Therefore, Wal-Mart would just end up returning it to the shelf and reselling the item, making excess profit for themselves. Which they didn't deserve to, so is it any better or different if I just kept the item? So is it my animosity towards Wal-Mart that made me say they didn't deserve to make another profit on this same item and it might as well be me who kept it?

What do you think? Please chime in, even if you don't know me personally but read this, I just think it's an interesting and thought provoking conversation to have!

And welcome back! (I hope!)