Just rip it

So here's the deal on moving.

Sometimes, you just rip the bandaid, and it hurts really bad for a second, but then you move on.
Other times, you rip it off slowly, and it pulls on each individual hair as it releases, giving you not just one big moment of pain, but a longer, slower experience where you feel it ripping.

We are experiencing the slow rip.

Rob started looking for a job in March, and unfortunately, with us living in a smaller market, there really was nothing to be found here. Thankfully, he did land a job, but that job requires a move back to Indiana. While there are obviously good things about moving back to Indiana, it has also been a very long and painful time for us. We live in our dream home. We love our school. We have been fortunate enough to meet a large group of friends that we do a lot of fun things with. We love the people of Iowa and how in just 3 short years, we have fully ingrained ourselves here. So this move is very painful. And we've sat and prayed and hoped that something else might come through for us but nothing has, so we must move forward and accept what is happening and make the best of it. However, what our heads know can't always conquer what our hearts feel, and that is where we are. We can make a list, and we have, of all the good things about moving to Indiana. We tell ourselves that is good for the kids. It makes them more flexible. It's good for us. It doesn't let you get stuck in a rut. Allows you to reinvent yourself. It's closer to family. It's cheaper to live there. And on and on. But the heart doesn't care. The heart can only focus on what we have now and what we know and what we are giving up. We don't know the other end. We don't know our house, our school, our day to day friends, the grocery store we'll go to, how to get to that grocery store, or the church we'll attend. Right now, we only know all that we leave behind, and that hurts. We are tired of feeling sad. We want to live for each day and not waste any more time. But it is hard. It's very, very hard. So please forgive my long blog absense, my lack of phone calls, and the feeling that you don't know what's going on with me. I'm sorry. I know it's hard to understand why I seem to have dropped off the face of the earth but I'm trying to find my way through all of this and it is murky water. If you are one of those who will be closer, please believe that we are truly happy to be closer to you and see you more. We really are. We are just mired down in our current reality and we will get through it. But we have to take baby steps. So please pray for us to trust in the Lord's plan and keep on moving forward instead of grasping what we have so tightly it makes moving forward nearly impossible. It will all be fine in the long run. But getting there... ouch.

Holy Smokes

As in... HOLY SMOKES it's been a long time since I've posted. I didn't realize I hadn't posted even one time this summer break. Sorry folks. You must have given up on me.

My only excuse is that Rob has taken a new job and we are moving. And while that alone constitutes a post or two by itself, life still moves on, so tonight I will just leave you with some new pictures. A lot has changed in 2 1/2 months, and we've had some fun along the way, so I'll leave you with pictures tonight and hopefully more to come in the future on the move and the process that a move is.

Our old neighbors from Wisconsin came and visited us

Josie turned 8 months old!

We went camping with friends--was a bit apprehensive on Josie but she did AWESOME! I simply must stop selling her abilities short. I also kayaked for the first time. Loved it!

My first camping trip!

Getting ready to take off

Rite of passage... first tupperware drawer adventure

A morning at the park with neighbors and good friends

Field of Dreams; such a fun day trip!

Looked EXACTLY like the movie. Very simple, not commercialized, and FREE to get in. Ironically, as it often goes, almost all of the visitors in the guestbook are not from Iowa. Why is that? Why don't we ever take advantage of what is right next to us?

If you build it.....

On the bleachers from the movie

Then we went and had a picnic--self timer--nice! Please NOTE that I got a new camera as well; any improvments in the quality? Hope so!

Underneath THIS oak tree. So beautiful don't you agree?

And then there's miss Josie who SO wants to crawl...

There's lots of the butt up in the air....

Then we sit and rest....

And then we just look cute.

First day of 4th grade today! A bit nervous...

I told him that was normal, I was always nervous on the first day too! He said some of the other kids looked nervous too...

First day of FIRST grade despite his objections that he doesn't want to do "grades", he only likes kindergarten.

More to come another night...........................



Luke had his first T ball game yesterday morning. After the game, he told Rob:
"Those people were all clapping for me because they think I'm fascinating".

You know what Luke, I think you are right. You are fascinating.

At least I'm not pregnant with ogres

Here was my pick-me-up for the day when I went to school to have lunch with Luke and his kindergarten class:

Kenny: "Hey, aren't you Gabe's other grandma?"

Mind you I have Josie strapped to my chest. How many grandmas do you see like that?

But, as I wiped my tears with my crippled, arthritic grandma hand, there was this:

Levi to music teacher who is pregnant with twins: "Your babies are going to be ogres!"


Moral of the story; when you think you've got it bad, someone always has it worse. At least I'm not pregnant with ogres.

Life at 9

Tonight my heart hurts for my sensitive boy.

My boy with the sensitive heart. Who notices if I look down. Who makes not only his breakfast but his brother's while I am nursing Josie in the morning. And then sometimes cleans it all up just to be nice. Who wakes up whenever Josie does in the night fretting that she is upset. Who get so excited for his birthday he counts down for WEEKS and asks all of his invited guest if they prefer pepperoni or cheese pizza. Cupcakes or cake? The boy with the sensitive heart who gets hurt so easily.

He is convinced no one on his baseball team likes him. Why do you think that? I just can tell he says. Because I accidentally stepped on someone's drink tonight and made it leak out and they all said, "Jack!" And that's all it takes for him. Because the downside of a sensitive heart is that you personally feel every comment that comes your way as a knife digging in to your heart.

So I laid with him tonight trying to convince him to know himself and who he is on the inside. Believe who he is and not what anyone else tells him of who he is. To be comfortable in his own skin and not try too hard to be cool or likeable.

Which is so easy to say from someone who at 39 is still wondering if that person likes me. And if not, why not. So easy to give the advice and yet not follow it still myself.

So my heart aches for him and my worries lie heavy on my heart because I don't know how to help him. That same sensitive heart that I love works against him so often and it makes me so sad to see him feel so down on himself.

Baby girl's first backpack hike

5 months

Josie is 5 months!